Day 35

So today we were running around so much and couldn't be at the house for dinner time. It was 7:00pm and we usually eat between 5:30 and 7:00 depending on our work schedule. We still had a few stops to make and decided that we would have to eat out. We have been craving sushi so headed towards the Blue Wasabi restaurant. We had some Miso soup and  Sashimi It was beautiful!

We went shopping, we needed some new clothes due to our weight loss, mind you we haven't bought anything since our 25 lb loss. Mike was very excited to have lost a whole pant size, I had bought some jewelry.... before they never fit on my sausage fingers, and a sexy little number for around the house.

We started talking, this subject has come up before. It is the subject of "what happens after the diet", honestly it is a scary place. I still know that I eat like a "fat girl", I may not eat the quantity or the types of food as I did a couple of months ago but I do feel as though I am not prepared to be off the diet. This is where counseling would be handy, or some really good long hard looks into who I am and why I do what I do to myself when it comes to foods.

At dinner, I was totally satisfied (physically) with the 6 pieces of sashimi and miso soup and glass of water. My belly was full.. the real kind of full... not the uncomfortable... lethargic... stuffed feeling that I normally feel like after a visit to the sushi house. I felt physically satisfied but I know that if I was not on my diet that I would have ate twice if not three times as much... this scares me!

Mike and I discussed what we are going to do to keep on track, to not gain weight, to not fall back into our old habits and this is where things get a little hard. We both think differently about it, he isn't so black and white and I am very black and white. I want rules, I want a script to follow, I want to be held accountable. He doesn't want to be micro managed and if he feels like a thick deep crust XL pizza with fifteen beers than he is going to eat it. I say... UH...NOOO! then I will eat it Toooo!!!

That is MY issue, I want him to be strong so that I don't have to be so strong... I think that we shouldn't eat that way ever... we can have a small pizza and 1 large beer and call that a splurge. NOW just because we think differently doesn't mean that either one of us are wrong. We work in different ways, but with this conversation.. I learned that I push and pressure others to do what I want or think that I should do and that's just not right.

This diet has made me look inside myself, deep inside myself and it is going to be hard to keep looking at the ugly truth... that I am weaker than I thought, that I have issues that need to be addressed, that I need to stop trying to micro manage everyone around me and keep looking inside and asking the hard questions. That is scary and this diet has kind of opened my eyes to me and shed a different light on who I am in my eyes.

Not just the diet, it is a combination of plenty of things but the diet along with a great boyfriend and my hypnotherapy schooling ... it all has brought a lot of things to the surface.

This relationship with food that I have is unhealthy... the relationship with food has been an umbrella from the truth of who I am and what I am afraid of and I love that I am seeing things in a new perspective.

This journey is not going to be a long journey, it is going to be a life time journey. I am at a point now that I realize that life is hard... it is supposed to be, doing the right thing is hard and is supposed to be, looking inside is even harder and it won't be easier tomorrow than it was today.. it is a life long job.

My relationship with my boyfriend has grown too.. we are treating our diet like we are treating our relationship.. we need to work on it every day.. that is how we get success... we haven't conquered everything, and we won't... it is a daily job to work at what we want and allow the other to be themselves.

I would love to hear comments about how you feel about my journey!