Day 2

It's loading day number two and I wake feeling lethargic and bloated. I weigh myself and see that I have gained 8 lbs from the way that I ate yesterday and it is a scary scary feeling. I keep reminding myself that this is important to eat this way.

My eyes are swollen, my B.O. is strong and toxic smelling and I am afraid to look in the mirror at myself. Afraid that I am really doing something wrong by eating this way and gaining these lb's and that I will never lose them. The fear is overwhelming however I am not feeling emotional like I was yesterday.









We gave each other our shots of the HCG hormone... again pretty painless. I am not sure if I could give myself a shot, I will try tomorrow.


We are on our way to Costco to buy our food for the week. Then we are going to portion it out and precook some of it. We are going to stop for some big awful greasy, carb loaded breakfast in between somewhere though, and eat eat eat ourselves to what feels like the death of us. I don't think it will be enjoyable.

We decided to make it easy on us and we ordered several Costco polish sausages and two slices of pizza which actually equals 4 slices.

I snapped at Mike, I think I am becoming a monster. I am fat and eat like a fat person and I am angry and mean... Eating like this is ugly and it makes me ugly and I teared up while apologizing for being so mean to him. He is a wonderful boyfriend and tried to encourage me, letting me know that this would be over and I will feel less and less self loathing as the weight drops off.

I told him that I am an emotional eater, that I am overweight for a reason, that when I lose the weight there will be a whole other side of me that emerges, that I will have to deal (and so will he) with the fears and the emotions of being thinner... I eat for a reason and I am fat for a reason and when I lose this protective blubber then will emerge another monster... he loves me, I am lucky... he is a good man and is very supportive which brings me to this...

Having support is crucial, having a co-dieter is a necessity and I would encourage that you don't take this on alone.

We bought wild white fish, shrimp and chicken breast tenders, loads of spinach and some asparagus for tomorrow, our five hundred calorie days..

But for today we ate our pizza, drank our soda and went home and had a polish sausage and a half. How do I feel? I feel gross! Later today we are going to a family gathering for a spring equinox party... homemade beer and a delightful dinner and sweets. Pics to follow!

I will include our diet and the instructions to the diet on the following days.