Day 1

It is loading day number one, we are to load up on fat and calories before we drop to 500 calories a day on days 3-26.

We have injected our HCG hormone this morning which was quite easy. The needle is so small and the amount of hormone to be injected is minimal.

We weighed ourselves and set out to commit fat and calorie suicide.

Breakfast: I bought two dozen Krispy Cream donuts, my teenagers were ecstatic. I have never walked into a Krispy Cream restaurant before, never bought Krispy Cream donuts before. I have eaten them, just not ever bought them.) This isn't how I normally eat. (I have an Organic Garden in my back yard for goodness sake and I eat vegetables!, This was SO wrong for me and I was looking so forward to being able to eat all this junk guilt free but now it was "D" day and it wasn't as easy as I thought.

I ate my first donut in the car, it was cream filled and delicious. I ate my second donut in the car on my way to a drive through burrito joint. It wasn't as delicious as the first donut but still quite yummy.

I ordered for myself, a large carne asada burrito and a large (32 oz) Horchata. Went home with the girls and we sat outside next to the organic beets and turnips and medicinal flower garden eating and drinking our self into oblivion. I could barely finish my burrito but, of course, I did. I couldn't have anymore of anything... no more donuts, no more horchata, no more anything and I went to the sofa and sat in misery watching a teenage movie with my girls. They... felt fine, the took a few bites of their burritos and stopped, I did not.

sitting in that self loathing lump misery, actually laying because my belly was wondering what in the world was I doing to myself... and I needed to stretch out in order to breath, I thought to myself.... this isn't so exciting, all this eating until it hurts, especially eating the foods that would quite possibly be the death of me.

My boyfriend calls on his way home from work and reminds me that we have a lunch date, we planned to go to our local pizza joint and order pizza and wings for lunch.

OMG! okay, and as I sit up from my laying down, I actually burped up a little bit of burrito, onion I think. I know what you are thinking, I could have spared that little bit of information but I have to keep this as real as possible.

Yes, I went to the Pizza Joint and met my boyfriend. Here is an exurb from my experience (from my practice journal)...

I started crying in line. I just couldn't eat anymore. This was so emotionally upsetting and wrong, and gross and please, when I sat up from the couch to get up and go meet him for pizza, I burped and up came up some burrito.

The barros cashier asked if she could help us, with a tear or two in my eye I order meat lovers pizza, she asked

"what size"..

my boyfriend said "large" and I said "nope, better make that an extra large".

Anything else she asked,

"yup, add some wings" I said. "12?" She piped and I said "no… 24, add a beer and two large soda’s please". Walked to the bathroom, avoided the mirror and wiped my tears…

What the hell am I doing? This is awful, this is dangerous… is this diet some kind of joke? Am I on some reality show? Wheres Ashton kutcher? I'm killing myself here and tonight we have plans to eat cheesecake and chocolate fudge sundaes.

Seriously NOT fun, I thought this would be fun… my boyfriend consumed 4 or 5 wings, and two or three slices of pizza and was smiling all the while I was holding back brunch from coming up with the wings that I was forcing down my throat and wiping a tear every now and then. All I could do was think how this must be some kind of joke, where is the joy in this? I love these food and refrain from eating them because of how unhealthy that they are yet now I am allowed to eat them and am emotionally a wreck about it?

I wasn’t told of the psychological affect this would have on me. I am full, my belly feels tight, I couldn’t even eat one slice of pizza.. only 3 wings, a couple drinks of my beer and about a half of a soda.

I came home and sucked the cream out of one of our donuts though, and when I was done with that… ate the donut. Can someone please tell me what that is about?

I don’t think that I can look in the mirror today at all. I am ashamed.

I have struggled with my weight for many many years. I have gone on a few diets but not a lot of them but my eating habits did get better over the last few years. Even though I eat quite healthy I still manage to eat too much and have a very sedentary life style.

Weight runs in my family, be it emotional eating, self indulging or plain out of control... doesn't matter, we all struggle with weight and I am at an age where I just can't deal with it anymore. It hurts, it is causing emotional havoc and quite well, may be killing me. My cholesterol has been an issue too but what is the worst is the physical and the emotional pain that this weight causes.

So, my boyfriend and I started this diet. The HCG diet, where you inject yourself with a tiny amount of the HCG hormone stuff yourself for two straight days and then eat certain foods for several weeks that equal no more than 500 calories a day.

They say that I won't be hungry. They say that I WON'T be hungry... oh boy, hmmmmm. Well, I am supposed to be pulling the other 2000 calories that I am not eating from storage that I normally don't pull from, that I can safely lose up to two lbs a day safely.

It is now 10:32, we gently rolled ourselves out of our car and gingerly walked into the house. We just got done eating Sushi at one of our favorite sushi spots, Sushi Kee. We had green salad, miso soup, hot tea, the seared tuna, snow white yellow tail, and then a spicy roll named after Red Mountain with shrimp, and two other fish smothered in a spicy sauce and poured over a roll that was fried. We couldn't eat it all but we did come close. We decided that the icecream and cheese cake could be eaten tomorrow.

I think I am in hell.